There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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