I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
