Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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