I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
