I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
