Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
