I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
