im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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