Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
