I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
