It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
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