margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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