i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
