I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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