Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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