I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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