hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
