So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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