I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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