Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
