so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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