I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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