I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
