just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize