When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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