that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
