If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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