Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
