Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
