I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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