I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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