When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
