you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
