i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I have aggressive nipples.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
