its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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