He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The beer is more important than you right now.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
