Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So much Jack, so little girl.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
