i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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