Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
