4 words: hood of his car
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
