matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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