I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
