His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
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The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
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And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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