lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
