Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
