i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
