I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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