OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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