I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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