did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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