went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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