i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
