my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
