my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
