i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize