Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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