therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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