I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
