My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
sex in a hospital.. check
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
