every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
