"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
