Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
