Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
