So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
