I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
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Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
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Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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