My brain says no but my pants say off.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
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This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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